dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
