the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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