I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
