did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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