I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
