Cold hands, warm shart.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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