Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
