dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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