Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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