why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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