FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
