nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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