Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
