new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I've blown a few things in my day
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
