I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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