Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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