How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We left the knife in your bed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is Oprah even human
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
