she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
