I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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