Porn is love you can see.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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