remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
