That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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