I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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