I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize