it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
