Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
