on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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