dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
