Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
