oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
