Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
