So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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