I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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