the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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