white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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