Jerry, you need to find god
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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