You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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