is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
