I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
