yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
