I cut my penus on the lid.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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