woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
