I CAN MOONWALK!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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