the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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