This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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