Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
