I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
