I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You pole danced in your parka.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize