When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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