wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
