Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Randomize
