Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
