And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
