well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
