I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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