Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I deserve this hangover.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
