I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
