I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
