I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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