I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
