i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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