Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
